因為英文能力有限，還是得用中文寫。
這一年的令會已經全部完結。心裡不免為到能夠順利完成而感恩，而各人又紛紛提到令會後的立志。這種氣氛固然令人鼓舞。只是我心裡還是在怕，怕自己到底沒把神的心意明白過來：就如第二種土地，心裡沒有根，不過是暫時的 (Mark 4:16-17)。
晚堂主題應該是與神相通。裡頭的訊息講到該隱、彼得和約翰跟神的關係（當中又夾了一堂關於聖靈的題目）。主光哥講到「信對像，不是信理由」，一語點出是關係，而不是教條的道理。但自己想到的，卻是事奉和金錢奉獻的問題：到底我對主神的心，是否如外表的多？（明顯不是）又是否真合神的心意？
吳主光先生一貫的認為彼得不如約翰，只是，我的心又是否又不如彼得？
早堂開始馬可福音。有好幾天精神不好，而且自己的心也不太預備好，能聽進去的不多。筆記記下來的，是「靈修」、「計算代價」和「沒有捨己的熱心」。但實在記不得，明顯是沒有真的聽明白。
專題其實沒有聽到什麼道理，印像裡頭的，就是譚校長的真誠和熱心。甚願自己也能夠這樣愛主——只是這個願不也帶點私心嗎？現在回想起來，跟黃校長最後一堂比較就是有趣極了。
受浸這一回事，那一時間沒有太多思想。因為之前已經想了很多、很多。申請的時候在想拉撒路復活的事（耶穌故意等了幾天才出發──雖然即使沒有再等他也是已經死了），入令會的時候就想從前立志信主、事奉時的愚昧。浸的那一時間，就只在想校長講的話，是不是一個問題？（i.e. 我是否需要表示回應）
暫時就只寫這麼多，有時間再寫。
The church summer camp (A) have been finished. Thanks the God for …
- His word. Once again he reminding me:
- how important his word / the daily devotion is; and
- how hateful arrogant and self-righteousness is from his eye.
- Allowing me to take part in the Baptism.
- … and by it enlisted as a member of this church, which allow me to take part in the Lord’s Supper (Eucharist).
- When I try to reach some (once) weak brethren, I have found God have already moved their heart in some mythical way — a way which is much better then what I have prayed for.
- Having some nice hours sharing with brethren.
Hymn: The way of the Cross means sacrifice
(Lyrics: Mary E. Maxwell)
- The way of the Cross means sacrifice,
As to God you yield your all
To be laid on the altar, the place of death,
Where fire will surely fall.
‘Tis the way of the Cross, are you willing for this?
What does bearing the Cross mean to you?
You who’ve given yourself, your all to God!
To God are you wholly true?
- As the voice of song and prayer we raise,
How easy to say, We give all;
Till some rougher cross lies just before,
And sterner is duty’s call.
- Do you falter then, or, true to death,
Just die on the cross in the way,
Till the fulness of life from the Living One
Is filling you day by day?
- ‘Tis the plan of life, for you die to live,
One with Jesus crucified;
With the life alone to be lived through you,
Of the Risen, the Glorified.
… How easy to say, We give all …
The second year in a row to interview for the baptism application. The interview still take longer than it should. Not knowing the result, I would rather not share too much details on this stage.
When I was filling the application form, I opened a e-book from my computer and found this:
God is sovereign. He is wise. He is unqualifiedly good. Part of Christian maturation is understanding that even his delays are not foolish or stupid or mistakes or exercises in whimsy. He is to be trusted, and even the delays are to be improved upon by the way we respond to them. (Scandalous, page 124)
While I must admit that I am not a mature Christian, I do hope that God may be glorified in all circumstances.
UPDATE (4-July-2010): I got a copy of Church constitution yesterday. This means … hm … the application have been accepted. If nothing goes wrong, I will be baptized later this month.
This is the second time in this year that a Sunday school teacher suggest me to seek help from a clinical psychologist — for my PDD-like behaviour.
This is not at all easy for me. The expected cost — time and money — is just a bit too high. Never mention the social cost of risk being labeled as a psychopath is beyond measure.
Am I escaping from issue a real problem I don’t know. What I know is there are some other issues I have to work on at a higher priority. If God permit, by the grace of him I would have a way out.
For the time being, please forgive me if I act too unsociable.
Last but not least, the verse for today is:
For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. (1 Peter 4:3)
Last week, I was trying to bid a GPS device from eBay. Why? Because I was preparing to invite some time and money on GeoCaching.
Long story short, the bid was cancelled by eBay as a possible fraud. I know not what have happened, but I know God was answering my prayer the night before that, asking for him to shield his light on this issue. I consider this as a clear answer. And so, I gave the money to a charity.
I say “once again” on the title, because this is not the first time He have answered a prayer like this. For one, I do not love like how God seems love to like not what I like. But, I know this is for my good, just as the scripture reads:
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as ta father the son in whom he delights. (Prov 3:11-12)
The notes I have read yesterday night keep reminding me, “seek your pleasure in God”. And the passage I have read this week says
For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. (Col 3:3-4)
I understand not what this really means, but I know this is what I worth live for.
I can almost hear my heart crying, yet I am not moved.
Is there any bible studying groups that I may join? In which members would bear my weaknesses. The only thing I could promise is: I would try hard to love you all and prepare what to share.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus… (Eph 2:10a, KJV)
For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus… (Eph 2:10a, NIV)
我們原是他的工作，在基督耶穌裡造成的…… (弗 2:10上, 和合本)
This usage of the word “workmanship” (工作) is kind of odd both in modern English or in Chinese. For the Cambridge Dictionary define workmanship as “the skill with which something was made or done” (i.e. the skill of a workman, 工藝). To make sense of this, for ages I have interpreted this as “We are the meant of Jesus’s work, created in Jesus. By him and through us the works of Christ are done and manifested”. It turns out I was wrong.
The truth is: “workmanship” here is an archaic word. It means the work being done by a workman (or, in a sense, the making which shows the degree of skill of a workman, a masterpiece). The Chinese “工作” in CUV was just an mistranslation from English.
(P.S. The Greek word ποίημα seems to be much simpler. Who knows? I maybe wrong again.)
Admittedly, I have been buying (and reading) too many books recently — from Francis A. Schaeffer’s Escape from Reason and How Should We Then Live? to A.W. Tozer’s Submit Yourself To God or J. I. Packer’s Knowing God (and many other books that I can’t remember) — all in a single month or so.
Beside all these readings, I was trying to wake up earlier and earlier — you can imagine how packed the life would be. There is no other reason but I am feeling some kind of void, or emptiness, in my life.
“It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.” (Psa 127:2)
May I put aside the books for a while and trust LORD for this rest, for I have been longing for it?
I am reading D. A. Carson’s latest book Scandalous: The Cross and Resurrection of Jesus. It is much more insightful than I have expected. Quite easy to follow.
Full-text preview is available at Crossway Books‘s website. You may want to checkout the review from Desiring God as well.
via: Justin Taylor: Why Jesus Couldn’t Save Himself
